I made the awful decision on Tuesday the 10th of November 2015 to have my dog put to sleep.
She had been diagnosed with a mass in her spleen in April 2015. It was unknown if it was cancer or not. There were tests available to find out what we were dealing with but if it was cancer the test would encourage it to spread. And if it wasn’t then the test would encourage the “blister” to burst. Either way the test would make things worse and I was told that operating although removing the problem would technically shorten her life as average statistics were a month survival after surgery.
I was back and forward to the vets several times in the next 6 months with mounting vet bills. But it was worth it. She had a better quality of life, we sorted out her incontinence and put her on medication to help with the pain we thought she was in.
We had an extra 6 months, a few extra walks when she was fit, a short break away and more time together.
Then the time came when I had to make the decision to make an appointment to take her to the vets to be put to sleep.
But even now a few weeks on I find myself wondering if I did the right thing. I work during the day and I was terrified that she would become very ill and I wouldn’t be there to help her or comfort her. I don’t know for certain what was going on in her body, but she seemed to start to forget things. This wouldn’t have usually been a problem, but she “forgot” that she didn’t go to the toilet in the house. With young children this became another strain on family life.
I decided that we couldn’t continue the way we were with things gradually getting a bit worse. So I made that appointment at the vets.
I was upset throughout the whole appointment and desperately wanted to shout stop I’ve changed my mind. But I kept watching and trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing.
I came home and cried, I sat up for a few hours and then headed to bed. As I lay in bed there was this loud noise that made both myself and my other dog jump and look around. That’s when I realised why I recognised the noise. It was the same noise when my older dog jumped on and off the bed somehow I found this comforting, the last few weeks she hadn’t been fit enough to mange this.
Then a short while later I stretched out in bed and my foot touched a dog, I hadn’t realised my other dog had jumped on the bed… She hadn’t. There was an unwritten rule between my dogs. The younger one slept on the bed while the older was on the floor. That night my younger dog stayed on the floor all night.
For the next few days I was distraught, but I had to continue with looking after the children, working and life in general. It’s getting easier but I still find myself wondering if I’ve done the right thing.