Kids being collected after court.

Every week my exes mum has been collecting the boys. Last weekend his sister was visiting so she took a turn, I gave her a load of things that belong to my ex that I found and also all the photo albums. I felt that it’s been unfair he got to start afresh, took his stuff with him and I’m left sorting out the joint stuff. I have photo albums from holidays and our wedding. What am I meant to do with them? So I decided that it was his turn to make a decision. I gave them all to his sister to give to him.

The morning after court his mum was picking up the boys again. This time someone was with her, I could see the passenger door open but not who was inside. It was his brother! They have now all had a turn at coming to my house. This must be further manipulation or control on their part and I’m getting fed up with it! But then his brother gave me my bag back with the photo album in it and said his brother doesn’t want them. So still I’ve to decide what to do!

I wanted to walk over to the bin and put them straight in, but I thought I’d be the bigger person and not do that. There was a chat with his mum who admitted my ex had been suspended during the court case and may loose his job now that he was found guilty. I could see the hurt in her. But they don’t believe what he’s put me through and that this was escalating out of our control, I had no choice but to phone the police. And it was his actions not mine, how can I be blamed for any of it.

I was surprised that when all of this happened I felt nothing. It felt like I was being told something sad about a stranger.

Advertisements

The court day is here!

I’ve been waiting for this day, finally some closure to the end of this horrible experience. I’ve blogged about the incident here.

I took a day off work as I suspect I will be distracted and not be able to focus. Surprisingly I was OK in the morning until my Mum text around 10am to say she was at court for the outcome and his family had traveled to support him. I’m not sure why this got to me so much but that was me. I couldn’t concentrate and was dreading everything that was going to happen that day and the repercussions.

The next I heard was at 10.30, court still hadn’t started. I was getting worse and the next few hours were awful. I had to give up doing any work at home, I couldn’t concentrate. Around 1pm my partner text me to ask if I had heard anything and that since court would stop for lunch we had some respite for an hour.

Then my mum called, court had stopped for lunch and would be going back at 3.30, but it was going well (for me). I got a brief update where my ex had tripped himself up several times saying it did happen then it didn’t. He also did things that I think probably incriminated him more. I started to relax and feel better. I finished the work I had to do off and picked up the kids.

About 4pm my mum called, it was over. He was proven guilty. What a relief, bail conditions remain in place for just under another 4 weeks and then he will be sentenced. I think the court is considering putting a non harassment order in place too, this could help until things have settled down now. But just now it’s just a relief.

The night before court.

I’m surprised at myself at times through the last few weeks. My stomach had lurched when something relates to the court case, something on TV about domestic cases or just thinking it will be over soon.

I can’t describe how thankful I am that this is nearly over. But I wasn’t expecting the nerves that I’ve felt today. All day my stomach feels like its been doing somersaults at the thought of this being over tomorrow. I’m hopeful it’s finished and hoping to finally get an answer. But there is some dread there too. What will he do when the outcome is given or more realistically how does it effect me. Will he hound me once again or will things finally get better.

Is a Mother’s love unquestionable?

I know I would do anything for my boys but there are things that I hope they would never expect or ask of me.

After court I want nothing to do with my ex, his family or this house which is where the incident happened. I didn’t think those feelings could be so strong. His siblings sat in court and glared at me and my family as if this was my fault. I hope that one day they find out the truth and know what kind of man my ex really is.

The following weekend I expect that the weekly contact between they boys and their dad will be off as his mum was the 3rd party and she’s just had a heart attack. But no I can’t believe it they are getting her to run up and down a 5 hour round trip from her house so he didn’t miss a weekend. I understand wanting to see the kids, but would you risk killing your mum in the process? This seems a new low even for all of them.

Our 2nd day in court

It is the start of August. Although I will not be publishing this until the trial is finished so I expect it is at least September when anyone might be reading this.

We attended court yesterday (Monday) and we were expecting it to be adjourned again. I had been out with friends to the ladies day at the races and the morning after (Sunday) I got a message from my Mum shortly after I woke up. All she said was I have the boys I’ll explain when your up (they were meant to be with their Dad). I was awake anyway and phoned. We spoke in code as the kids were there but I got the point. My ex’s Mother had a heart attack and was being rushed to hospital. I found this really confusing, she had been part of my family for eight years I wasn’t sure how I was meant to feel.

But the point was my ex now had a genuine excuse not to attend court the next day. So we thought there was no chance it was going to go ahead. But it did. I don’t want to bore anyone with the details of the case but it was horrendous. I was on the witness stand for over two hours. I recon I had over an hour of being ripped to shreds by my ex’s lawyer. The whole line of his defence was that I was lying and that it took me ten minutes to phone the police so that we could get our story straight. I’ll give it to him he tried every way possible to get me to say I was lying. But I stuck to the truth and I hope that the Sheriff/Judge sees that.

After I left the court room all I wanted was to see my partner (a witness to what happened). I saw him and fought back the tears as we were shown to a room for five minutes before lunch. Once in the room I wrapped my arms around him and cried. He was a witness after lunch and we weren’t allowed to talk about the trial. I couldn’t tell him what to expect and I couldn’t tell him why I was crying. All he could do was hold me.

We arrived at the court at 9.30am and left at 5pm, it was a very long day and I am left wondering how we ever co-parent after this. The case has been continued for another 5 weeks for another witness on my side. This has to be dealt with eventually and be over.

Children in the middle

The worst thing about separation and divorce is watching the children caught in the middle.

The boys were coming back at teatime (really this is the set time that I got told). I mean what does that mean? When you are going to have tea? When you are going to have dinner? Really who knows.

Anyway the boys get ready to go to bed at about 7pm with the aim of sleeping by 8pm. It was nearly 6.30pm and still they weren’t back, and no call or text over the past 4 days to say when they would be back! Just around teatime!!!

Reliable Wikipedia says that teatime is between 4pm-6pm. The kids arrived back just after 6.30pm (30min before bed). As usual I had tired and emotional kids returned. They probably had a big farewell from their Dad making a big deal about it as if they will never see him again. And I don’t know what they do when they are there (although I suspect it’s eat pure sugar, go to bed late, get up through the night and then up early in the morning).So they are shattered on top of that emotional rollercoaster. It isn’t fair on any of us but especially not them.

But this time I could see someone else getting out the car as well. I wasn’t expecting anyone else but I had been expecting for a while to have the girlfriend forced on me so that he could say we had met and she could now pick the boys up. But it wasn’t it was my exes niece. I forget how many people are dragged through this mess with you.

The dog went out to great her as it had been months since they saw each other. They were both very excited! And I felt like I stood there frozen and not sure what to say. I have no problem with her (she’s only 14) and I have kept in touch with her, but this wasn’t something I was prepared for.

We made small talk and then she went to follow the dog into the house and I moved to block her to show she wasn’t getting in either (none of his family are getting in my house anymore). I felt awful, but if she came in then his mum was coming in and I couldn’t do that. This woman has had a go at me, her son is taking me to court because he assaulted me, she has brought my ex sister-in-law to my door so that she could ignore me! And on top of all that the incident that has ended up with us being in court was because he wants more money from me and was enquiring how I can afford to decorate! There was no way they were coming in the house to pass everything back to him that I’ve done!

Divorce is messy, and I’m now angry about it, I’m angry a lot of the time. I can’t understand how someone can change so much. Or if I was blind and just never saw it.

My oldest was very clingy when he came back, just wanting to sit at cuddle. (This isn’t like him at all) When I asked him what was wrong he told me that he had missed me and it was too long to be away.

The next day he went to the childminder with his brother as I was working. He told her the same thing. It was too long to be at his daddies. My ex isn’t allowed any contact with me so I have no idea how I’m going to pass that information on!

Our day in court.

Surprisingly I slept okay the night before I was to go court as a witness/victim. We got up and ready to go and were at the court very early. We used the time to get shown round so we knew what to expect. We had been waiting about an hour when the prosecutor fiscal came in to tell us that she expected the court to be adjourned (moved to another day). Apparently my ex husband had changed lawyers at the last minute and his new lawyer wasn’t ready. He had received the paperwork from his old lawyer 13 days before and this wasn’t enough time!!

We were waiting in a large waiting room downstairs when we were told this. About 10 minutes later we were moved to the smaller waiting room upstairs in case the court was going to run. In the end it was the the sheriff who was going to decide if it was today or another day and we had to be ready. Both our nerves kicked in when we went upstairs I felt sick at the thought of going through this.

Then a court official came back through to us to tell us it was being adjourned for another 4 weeks. After the build up of anxiety the night before and finally thinking this might be over… we have another 4 weeks to wait.