Fighting with everyone 

Last year I published a blog with all the good things that had happened to me and all the bad things. When I wrote it there seemed to be positives to balance out the negatives.

But this year I’m just fed up, I feel like I’m fighting with everyone.

With everything that has happened this year I’ve been close to breaking point a few times. But this house has just about sent me over the edge. I finally lost it and couldn’t keep myself composed about a week ago. In fact it was boxing day, we went to the cinema to see the new Star Wars film and stopped at the new house on the way back.

I found myself looking around thinking I’ve had enough. I cant do this anymore, everything feels like a fight and I have little fight left in me.

 

Fighting might be too strong a word but its close to how I feel in every area.

Work – I’ve had to complain about my manager about my temporary manager as he’s worse than useless.

My partner – I get it, he’s been having a difficult time with everything. But it just means that I am taking the brunt of it all. Everything wrong in his life is my fault. So I have to be strong for us both and take the shit he throws my way.

House – It’s like a fight everyday to do something to the house to make it liveable. And then this brings in defending myself to everyone close to me as to why I’ve chose this house. It’s not like I can change it now.

Ex husband – Not much has changed here I am just fed up with it. Everything seems like a fight. He wants everything his way and when its not I’m threatened with lawyers. I wish he would go to a lawyer! Then my parents are clearly not his biggest fan so they have a go at me for everything that he does and that he should have no contact with his children. Which is clearly not possible or fair on the kids.

MS – Its like a fight everyday to work through tiredness and stay positive that my whole life wont be turned upside down by it.

Kids – The boys are just being boys. They want to run around and play, they have energy they want to burn. But at my parents they aren’t allowed to move. Every time they move they are told they are going to break their neck or another bone in their body. If they make a noise I’m told they need to get out the house. (This was even on the same day that the youngest has a sickness bug.) I would never take the kids out when they are ill. But staying here I have no choice as it stressed out my Mum them being here.

Sleep – My younger brother has came home for Christmas. There has been clear favouritism for years but living in it makes it more apparent somehow.

An example – I have nowhere to live due to the difficulties with the new house so I’ve came back to my parents with the kids for the past month. Tonight I’m told no one can stay in the room I’m in until it has been cleaned properly. However my brothers room is fine (he threw up on the floor the other night!!)

This has led to my youngest sleeping in the same bed as me. This may not seem like a big thing. But at three years old he cant sleep in one place. Honestly he is up crawling about the bed in his sleep! While typing this blog he has kicked the laptop at least four times after I have moved him back to the other side of he bed. With MS this isn’t practical, I’m terrified I’m going to cause myself to relapse with the amount of stress and fatigue that I’m putting myself under just now and not having a chanceto sleep properly to try and contract any of the harm being done.

 

Advertisements

Moving day

Everything happened so fast. The house went up for sale and it felt like the next day I was moving.

Moving day was a slow process. My lawyer sent a cheque to the sellers lawyer for the wrong amount. (The house purchase was in hundreds instead of thousands). While this seemed like a good deal to me the seller didn’t seem to agree.

I agreed to let the person buying my house start moving in her things although the sale wasn’t actually through. It was odd sitting in your house watching someone else move in. But I felt happy for her rather than sad for me moving.

We started moving everything into my new house in the early afternoon and getting the place cleaned as it was filthy. And not five weeks of dirt. More like five years (or more). I started to try and clean the kitchen and inside the units which seemed worse than dirty. I called my Dad over to find it was dirt mixed with mould. This wasn’t a great start.

The report has detected damp but not why it was damp. The next few days found how bad the problem actually was. Or so we thought at least.

I have have a few pictures from what we found behind a wardrobe in one of the bedrooms and then once the paper and carpet was lifted. The carpet was soaking and the wardrobe was covered in thick white mould.

Packing my life into boxes.

As my moving day got closer there was an odd sense of happiness that I was ending this part of my life and starting afresh.

It has been over a year since I separated from my ex husband. But there have still been so many negative things still happening in that house which I want to leave behind. I had the whole incident in April which started the court case Link to my Blog – I never thought I’d end up being a victim giving evidence in court 😖. My neurologist thinks I’ve had two MS relapses. Both have been in that house.

I think there is some part of my ex who thinks the house still has something to do with him. And on odd occasions my eldest would suddenly talk about when Daddy lived with us. This would happen after contact with his Dad which I don’t see as  a coincidence. I mean what normal Father would bring these memories back to a child? For my eldest this meant that he remembered the incident in April and all the shouting that was targeted at me by his Dad.

Moving gave me a chance to clear out everything in the house from top to bottom. Get rid of everything I didn’t want. This includes possessions as well as some memories.

Selling my house

So selling your house is an odd situation. You have complete strangers coming into your house and looking around. Some want to look in your cupboards and others want to know how much all your bills are. Meanwhile you have to have the place looking spotless.

I understand that this helps people decide however I wasn’t expecting some of the questions that I was asked by the first viewer. But it prepared me for the other viewers. The house went live online on the 21st of September 2016 and viewings came steadily. I think in total I had four viewers.

On the 1st of October 2016 I viewed the house that I wanted to buy. I knew it needed renovated and expected it to need new windows, doors and probably a boiler in the future. But it was everything that I needed and wanted mainly due to my health. The stairs were becoming difficult in the house I was in and that had been my main reason for putting it up for sale.

On the 21st of October I accepted an offer for my property and put in an offer for the house I wanted. The only difficulty was that the person buying my house was looking for a moving date in five weeks! My whole move was due to be done in two months, from listing my house to getting the keys for the new one!!

 

Can you redecorate a house for next to nothing?

So I decided I was going to redecorate the house or at least fix all the things he was “going to get round to”. I was aiming high with a low budget, £500 was my goal.

Most of it is just touching up or cosmetic and as a bonus I have a lot of the things I need already. Like the paint and rollers etc. I’m not touching the boys bedrooms at the moment.

 

Living Room


The living room is just touching up paint and putting up new decorative things; shelves, clock and new picture for the wall. I’ve put my TV on the wall and got an electrician to wire it. I’ve touched up paint and skirting that wasn’t ever finished for some reason.

My total spend = £163

 

 

Bathroom


Similarly the bath room needs a new coat of paint and new photos and a picture instead of one from our travels.

I’ve given the walls another coat of paint and bought a new picture for the wall. I’ve replaced the photo frame and the pictures in it.

Total spend £105

 

 

Bedroom


The radiator was replaced to try and help the problem I’ve had for a while with dampness. Fortunately my dad could do the labour work for this. I ended up with patchy walls when I tried to mix paint. But it looked fresher than it did before at least.

Total spend (Radiator) = £60

 

 

Hall


I’ve painted all the walls and woodwork. I’ve removed an old thermostat and filled in holes that were in the walls. I’ve bought collage photos to use as a border. My aunt was replacing her carpet and gave me her almost new carpet. This has really helped me to bring the cost down and my Dad fitted it and the laminate at the bottom of the stairs. The dog chewed my banister when she was a puppy and I filled it in ages ago, but I’ve now sanded it down so it doesn’t look as bad before it was painted.

total spend = £114

 

 

Dinning Room


This was one of the easier rooms to do. Most of the walls have doors or archways so there wasn’t much wall to paint. However I put up my wall decal and it not sticking very well.

I bought paint and the wall decal – both included in above costs.

 

 

total = £442

So for my total spent I think I’ve done not to bad. I’ve been lucky I’ve had help to paint and do some of the work so that cut down on the price.

 

I’ve been working on this blog since I started working on the house for over a year now. And I suppose its unsurprising that I did all the work and then decided to sell. So the house went on the market about a month or so after I finished this work.

 

 

 

 

It’s like I have a new dog.

I can’t believe that over a year ago I had lost my oldest dog and I was looking into re-homing my other one as she had bitten me.

I contacted a couple of behaviourists and one agreed to come out and meet with me. She told me that my household had been through so many changes that my dog was also confused and upset with the changes. She continued that I actually has a well trained dog who was clever and picked up the rules quickly.

I wasn’t so sure. But this gave me some reassurance at the time when our life was changing so much.

But now over a year on I can’t believe the difference (and if I’m honest I haven’t changed much or been training her more than I would before). I’d say she is about the same level of obedience. But she doesn’t wet the floor as much with fear or excitement. I’ve seen no further displays of aggression and she is much happier. She now comes and cuddles  in and looks for affection. This dog was always more interested in playing and chasing something rather than paying attention to any human who might want to give her attention.

She is seven years old and I finally feel a proper connection to her. She responds to my emotions more appropriately in general which is helpful these days after my MS diagnosis and the turmoil that we will call the last two years.

For anyone that finds themselves in a similar situation. Please trust your instincts and a reputable animal behaviourist/ trainer. I contacted three animal charities who acted like the whole situation was my fault and did not consider the changes in my personal life. (One of the charities I donated to every month and the other contacted me a year later to ask for help after refusing to help me at all). They made me feel like more of a failure when I believe the behaviourist was right. My dog needed a chance to adjust to the changes in her life as well.

 

Multiple Sclerosis scan updates

Just a quick update. I got an appointment last month (November) for the MRI contrast scans that I got in the summer. The neurologist was happy with the scans. He explained that some of the white swelling in my scans had reduced while others had disappeared completely. He was clear that this was normal for MS and didn’t mean I was healing.

But I can’t help but hope my healthier eating and various supplements may be at least helping the progress.