Dear John letter

This isn’t meant to be a traditional dear John letter, it’s more a I’m not happy but I’m hoping that you can make me happy.

I’m not happy just now, I feel like I am walking on eggshells and I’ve done that before and don’t really want to do that again. Bu the first thing I want to make very very clear is that I have not met anyone else. I haven’t even looked at anyone else.

Trust has been an issue for us both from the start, we’ve both had difficulty in the past. But I’ve learnt to trust you in as far as I don’t think you would ever cheat on me. But I’ve lost trust in other areas and I’m not sure if they are reparable now. It will all depend on today I suppose.

When you have young kids you forget that other people aren’t up as early as you, so although its my mid morning, some people are just up. This has been driving me daft since it happened. I don’t do arguing or falling out and not speaking. It seems such a waste of time. Why should I waste my time not talking to someone, and that’s anyone.

I made a decision yesterday and I truly hope that I am wrong. You stopped talking to me on Monday night, we messaged a little yesterday (Wednesday). But it was not on speaking terms. Every time we have fallen out I have “chased” or tried to make things better. But I just don’t have the energy anymore. If you are not interested then why should I be making the effort to make things better again. You think that this is all my fault, but in reality it isn’t. It is every girl  in your life that has ever screwed you over. And the reality is I have never done anything to hurt you. Meeting a male friend for lunch that I’ve been friends with for over 10 years or swapping numbers with a football dad to keep him up-to-date on the kids football. Yeah they give you trust issues, but I’m not actually doing anything wrong.

I decided yesterday that you have to make an effort to show me that you want to be together. And I don’t think its too difficult or out of line. Today is my birthday, you have until 3pm today to make some contact, otherwise I don’t know why I’m bothering if you cant even make an effort on my birthday. Deep down you know that I’m not doing anything wrong so the least you can do is make an effort to reconcile this once. I feel that if you can continue to not talk to me on my Birthday it really says more about you than me.

When things are great they are fantastic. You are so much fun to be with and we have a great time. I know that isn’t possible all the time but its hardly happening at all just now. I want things to go back to us having fun. And while kids and life get in the way it should still be possible sometimes hopeful most of the time. But first of all our relationship needs to be built on trust and if you don’t or can’t trust me then we don’t have anything to built or relationship on.

keep-calm-only-4-hours-to-go

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Author: mummy2boys

This blog started as a "therapy". A way to vent about all the shitty things that have been going on recently. But as I come through separation and soon to be divorced my outlook is getting better. Then more recently I have been diagnosed with MS and plan to blog about the changes in my diet to help with symptoms and future relapses. So to sum it up this is about all things in my life and I suppose MS too.

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