I started this blog a few months ago before life got hectic. But now after my reflection blog I think this is the time to go back and finish this.
boyfriend (sounds like we are kids), my partner (sounds like a work thing), my other half (just meh nothing else). Hang on I’ve got it. To my beacon of love (sorry inside joke, that’s if he remembers saying that).
I don’t say it enough how much you mean to me and how much I rely on you. It’s all the little things together that makes me love you more.
We’ve not had the best 1st year together. But you’ve stood by me when others would have ran. Your right I probably wasn’t ready for a relationship. But I fell for you hard when I let my guard down and gave into what I was feeling for you. But this is something I don’t tell you enough.
I was used to doing everything myself and someone pretending that they were there for me. But now I really do have you with me always. You’ve been with to every appointment at the MS clinic which you know means so much to me. There are times when I’ve wanted to give up and run away but you’ve kept me strong. Even just to listen to my moans or dry my tears.
The same can be said about the court case where still all I can think about is the nightmare of giving evidence which still haunts me some nights and then running into your arms when they finally stopped after two hours of me giving evidence. I can still see the concern on your face and your anger in your voice as you asked “what the hell happened in there”.
But as I love you more and more each day I find myself becoming more distant with you when I want the complete opposite. I want to give you everything and I know that’s what you want (you tell me often enough).
I have no problem telling you that I love you and I do tell you often. But I really struggle to compliment you and tell you what I’m actually thinking. But then recently I realised I cant cope with getting compliments from you either. I have my reasons and this is something I want to work on and improve in our relationship and I want your help to do it.